Part I

Harry Sorme was a sustainability consultant who claimed that he could offset the greenhouse emissions from anything. His success had been consistent and in only a few years of practice, he found himself with some prime projects. Unfortunately, he suffered the fate of many young consultants and found himself with not one, but two, John Nash clients.

A John Nash client was a client who didn’t pay. And when a client doesn’t pay it casts doubt on whether a project actually exists. Despite going from strength to strength, Harry found himself financially overextended to the point that essential services were one by one being cut off.

"Not a very sustainable sustainability consultant, Harry," a friend had quipped.

One of the John Nash clients had promised to pay on Friday albeit many weeks late, and on Thursday evening, Harry was down to his last $50.

So he went to the bar, his reasoning was that in the bar he could potentially meet a new client. And it was an excellent venue in which to get drunk.

At the bar he met Hamilton. Hamilton had just recently sold a boat building business, he was over six feet tall and had a great, stout body. Hamilton had been living with cancer for a two years and had within the past twelve months found himself a new lover. With the complex sale of his business, his new partner and cancer, Hamilton lived a full life. His full life had gotten even fuller with the discovery two new truths.

Hamilton had just learned that he was soon to be a father. A second revelation followed and was largely caused by this. Hamilton had an epiphany. For the first time in 53 years Hamilton Black had an insight into sustainability of the earth and developed a caring for the future. A child on its way, the culmination of his life’s work all cashed up, a certain future with cancer and some regular loving, Hamilton finally ‘got’ the human condition. He started pre-emptive grieving for the future of the child that was not yet born.

On the other hand, Harry Sorme had had a gut-full of the human condition and just wanted to drink and solemnly try to figure out his John Nash’s.

So when Hamilton Black, a total stranger, volunteered his life story and explained how he had spent his life chasing the dollar and cared about nothing else, Harry felt a resonance. An opposite, really, in that he had spent his life chasing extraordinary projects and now was suffering his lack of caring for money. He scowled at Hamilton and thought: “You just woke up, so what?”

The story was really nothing new to Harry. But for the Hamilton, the boat builder, it was the first time that he had told it.

Hamilton wore a brown checked blazer and a tie. He was talking into his scotch on ice, about how his pursuit of money had meant that he had built huge boats for rich men that he now came to realise had polluted the atmosphere and the seas and were the platforms from which entire fisheries were decimated.

Harry squirmed. Just because he was professionally interested in the well-being of mankind did not create in him any particular empathy with the average human, particularly newly-philosophical businessmen.

There was something about Harry’s way of being that bought out the confession in people. He hated it. Yet while he wanted to discourage the confession of the boat-builder, he couldn’t help but to offer fuel for the fire.

So when Hamilton mentioned that the ships he had built burned diesel, a fossil fuel, Harry said: “Yes, and diesel fuel produces three kilograms of greenhouse emissions per litre and produce some of the most toxic compounds known to science in the exhaust. You really do have a coloured life”

Hamilton stopped talking. He felt like he had met a fellow mind and had not yet properly introduced himself..

“Sorry… my name is Hamilton Black, from Black Shipping, you are? He extended a hand that was cold and wet from gripping his iced scotch.

“Harry Sorme, Sorme Sustainability”

They shook hands. Hamilton enthusiastically, Harry lethargically. Harry wiped his hand on his trouser leg and scowled.

“And, Harry… umm… Sorme Sustainability?

Harry said, “I am a consultant in the field of sustainable development”.

“Sustainable development, what does that mean?”

“It’s all the things that you have been talking about, Hamilton. Fisheries depletion, pollution, greenhouse emissions, the future of your children, all that good we are killing the planet and losing money at the same time stuff”

“And what do you do about it?”

“I am a consultant, Hamilton, a gun for hire. My clients utilise my expertise to assist them in improving the social, economic and environmental outcomes of their project or organisations”

“Wow”, said Hamilton trying to figure it all out.

“So if you are wanting to improve the future for your child as well as maybe recompense for some of the environmental consequences of your own actions, maybe you need to employ the Sorme Sustainabilty carbon offset service”

“And what is a carbon offset service?”

“Well", began Harry, "by our normal actions, we modern humans create greenhouse emissions, carbon emissions – keeping the beer cold, running the lights, driving our cars – where-ever fossil fuels are used there are greenhouse emissions. It is possible to take actions that reduce greenhouse emissions such as switching diesel with biodiesel or using energy efficient equipment. Carbon offset seeks to match greenhouse reduction with greenhouse production.”

“You mean you can greenhouse offset my child?” asked Hamilton.

'Greenhouse offset the child’, thought Harry. ‘That's new ’.

He had never heard of offsetting the carbon signature of a child before. It sounded potentially world class. And world class was where Sorme Sustainability was at. For the first time in weeks he saw an opportunity. He cautiously shifted his position.

“Sure”, said Harry sitting up straight, “Sorme Sustainability can offset the greenhouse emissions from anything.” He raised his glass to Hamilton. Both their glasses were empty.

“I would like to buy you a drink, another scotch, yes, two scotches please bartender… It is true Hamilton, we can even offset the greenhouse emissions of the life of your child”.

“Well how much would that cost”, asked Hamilton?

“Well, lets see. The ‘common or garden’ Australian produces 28.9 tons greenhouse emissions per annum and lives to be 83 years old on average but that varies according to a range of factors… we could come up with a good figure from actuarial tables for your child, but lets say that the child will live to 80 years for the sake of argument. So that’s 28.9 tons per annum times 80 years and Sorme Sustainability has a greenhouse offset service worth $25 per ton CO2e, so to offset the emissions of your child would cost about… umm.. 28.9 times 80 times 25…”

“About $60,000”, said Hamilton, demonstrating his business acumen.

“Yes, about $60,000”, I guess. Harry leant to the bartender and asked him to use the calculator, demonstrating his social skills in reply.

“$57,800, to be exact,” said Harry, “plus GST, makes $63,580.”

Harry took a sip from his freshly served drink, feeling exhausted.

He watched Hamilton draw a cheque book from the inside pocket of his blazer.

He saw the man’s hand scratch the name ‘Sorme Sustainability’ on a cheque and in the bottom right of the cheque the numbers $63,580.

Hamilton gave the cheque to Harry and Harry stared at it in silence.

“I want you to offset the greenhouse emissions of the life of my child” said Hamilton.

“I want you to do it by the time of the child’s birth”

“I’m not big on obstetrics,” said Harry, dumbfounded, “when is the baby due?”

“Tomorrow night… you go offset the emissions from my child’s life before tomorrow night and I will allow that cheque to clear into your account… can you do that?”

Harry Sorme stared, dumbstruck at a man who was either Sorme Sustainability’s third John Nash client, or its saviour.

“Sorme Sustainability can offset the greenhouse emissions from anything”, said Harry rainsing his glass.

Part II

This was driving him crazy. He had developed carbon offset programs for over three years but no one had ever offered to pay for the service at such short notice. It was particularly acute now that he had only a few hours left to work it out. He reviewed all his notes.

Greenhouse offset using energy efficient light-globes installed in low income houses in partnership with the Local Council. That had potential. But that meant the purchase and distribution of thousands of light globes and his enthusiastic Council contact had recently left for another job.

Then there was greenhouse offset using biodiesel in School buses thereby improving the air quality for children as well as reducing greenhouse emissions. However, the school bus was already running on biodiesel, recent news.

As the day wore on, Harry found himself further and further away from the capacity to legitimately claim the cheque. And as he checked his bank balance and found that this John Nash had failed again, the need for the new income grew.

On two occasions through the day , as he frantically wracked his mind and reviewed his books for a greenhouse solution that could be employed at short notice, Hamilton called on his phone.

“How ya going there Sorme Sustainability… how’s my greenhouse offset program going”. Hamilton sounded like a new man, on fire with his life.

By mid afternoon, Harry was spare with worry. He found himself walking from the house with a heavy book in his hands, Greenhouse Gas Control Technologies.

He walked and read and calculated, made some calls on his mobile, plotted, tried to figure it out. But he couldn’t. The man who said that he could offset the emissions of anything was unable to find a project of 2,312 tons in less than 24 hours. Harry sighed as he snapped the book shut. He had failed.

Part III

Harry found himself in a place where he often came to ponder the world. In the middle of the overpass bridge. With three lanes of traffic streaming under him and another three lanes streaming the other way.

As he stared blankly at the traffic, figures drifted through his mind. Emissions coefficients of fossil fuels, average fuel consumption, the efficiency of light globes, the cost of replacing fridge seals.

The traffic streamed like a steel river and he felt and weariness of an over-exerted mind take hold of him. He leant against the rails, the thick, heavy book of greenhouse mitigation techniques gripped in his hands. As he drifted into a daze, his phone ratteled in his top pocket jolting him awake.

Startled, Harry grabbed for his phone. As he fumbled, the heavy book slipped from his grasp and he mesmerically watched it fall into the traffic.

“Waaaa...”, he said in a deep voice as he saw the book smash through the wind-shield of an oncoming car, a white Ford Falcon.

“Harry”, boomed an enthusiastic voice from the phone, “It’s Hamilton Black”

“Ahhhh…” Harry watched as the Falcon veered to the left, bashed into the embankment then careened across three lanes of traffic onto the other side of the highway.

“My wife is going into the hospital, she said I shouldn’t stay”.

“Right”, said Hamilton as he watched the white car cross three lanes of oncoming traffic, smash into two vehicles and then roll down a slope into a creek and disappear under the muddy water.

“How are you going with my greenhouse offset program?”

“Ummmm”, said Harry. “There’s been a recent breakthrough”.

“Excellent, what are you buying some compact fluoro light-globes or something?"

“Urrr… I was thinking, um, maybe take some cars off the road”

“Excellent, how about we meet at the bar at 6pm”.

Harry agreed and hurriedly switched off the phone.

Life was getting weirder and more of it was being spent in a hypnotic trance. He followed the instruction of his hypnosis and found himself at the scene of the accident.

There was much activity with flashing lights and uniformed people. Tow trucks, ambulances, police.

On more than one occasion he was asked if he had witnessed events, and he reasoned it was immaterial whether he had or not, and he said nothing. He stood in the crowd of onlookers while a tow truck dragged the Falcon from the creek and the ambulance men pulled two bodies from the wreckage.

The police were on hand to inspect the identities and Harry heard the officer read out their names, Mr and Mr whatever. And their ages, 41 and 39.

Part IV

Hamilton had already racked up the scotch and ice when Harry arrived.

“Over here, Harry”, he heard.

“Well buddy, here’s to fatherhood and greenhouse offset, what have you got for me, something good?

When Harry had explained his story, Hamilton looked ashen-faced.

Harry had the cheque in his pocket and he unfolded it under the table. He reasoned that while he had failed to develop the greenhouse offset program that he had planned, the death of the two men did actually constitute a greenhouse offset as they had died in an accident and would no longer be contributing to greenhouse emissions.

Hamilton was somewhere between furious and enthralled.

“Are you telling me that you have completed your task?” he asked.

“Accidentally, yes”, said Harry.

“So, let me get this right, you have offset the greenhouse emissions of my child by killing two men would otherwise have lived to be about 80 years old”

“Umm yes” said Harry, shifting in his seat from the scrutiny.

“And the lost years of these two lives combined totalled the expected longevity of my child…?”

“Well, while not on purpose, in detail you are correct, yes” said Harry

Just then Hamilton’s phone rang. It was his wife calling from the hospital.

As Harry fidgeted with the cheque Hamilton listened and stared.

Hamilton’s face, which was cycling between ashen with concern and red from joy, was now a combination of both colours.

As Harry watched, Hamilton pulled out his cheque book and began to scribble. He handed Harry another cheque, for $63,580.

“What am I to do with this?” he asked.

“Do what you do best, Mr Sustainable, go and offset some greenhouse emissions. My wife just gave birth to twins”.

END

copyright Guy LANE 3 May, 2005